willpollock.com

[ always tell stories ]

Risking Life & Limb To Bring You Kathy Clips

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Improv, Help Desks And Friend Bars


New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products
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'F**k You' - A Casual Study In Standing Up For Oneself

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Spontaneous Reunion In Song

Saratoga was way more than just a 20-year college reunion - it was a late-night Rick Astley-fest.

Tim & Willy • Reunited and it feels so good from Gary Gray on Vimeo.

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The 'Giggle Machine' Rings The Death Knell For Soda Jerks

As reported on Asylum.com:

Rest in peace, oh soda jerk:
Coke Freestyle elevates individuals to instant mixologists by using a zesty touch-screen system to mix selections from over 100 choices into a custom beverage, all while delivering a geeky high-tech thrill.

It's been called "
the fountain of the future," "the most advanced soda fountain ever" and (in a backhanded-compliment kind of way) a path "leading to social ruin." Even Warren Buffett is a fan. But can this thing really deliver?

Coke spokesperson Helen Tarleton certainly thinks so, calling it a "complete departure from a traditional fountain machine." (She even reports that a gal was caught on security camera fondly embracing and kissing the machine.)

Tarleton expects 500 new Freestyle machines to pop up soon in Southern California, Atlanta, Dallas and Salt Lake City

We decided to take Coke Freestyle for a test drive at a local
McDonald's in Atlanta, where we came up with some crazy combinations using the machine's 100-plus flavor options.

While Freestyle's club soda can help cut the sweetness of some of the machine's more intense flavors, you are likely to go crazier with the combinations than you think -- and you're virtually guaranteed to forget whatever it is you put in your cup.

But we were able to document a few of our greatest hits for posterity:

"Doogie Fanta, M.D." (Combination: Dr. Pepper, Vault Peach, Cherry Fanta)

"The Red Wolf Blitzer" (Vault Red Blitz, vanilla Diet Coke)

"Barqing Berry" (Barq root beer, raspberry Dasani Sensation)

"Looney Tunes" (Minute Maid strawberry, vanilla Coke, grape Fanta, club soda)

"Lima-berry" (Grape Fanta, Lime Dasani Sensations, Club Soda)

"Customers love them," says Stephen Cordell, McDonald's on Cheshire Bridge's first assistant manager, who seems like a proud father reporting that his two Freestyle machines connect via Wi-Fi to the Coke mothership every morning at 2 a.m. for software updates.

Freestyle feedback was largely positive. "Wow, this is cool" and "How neat" were thrown around McDonald's by customers while we were testing it out.

So go forth, soda geeks, but make sure to keep track of your mix for next time -- and keep some Tums handy for the inevitable sugar-stomachache.

And check out our video from our Coke Freestyle recon mission:



And
take a look at our photo album, too.

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'The Lupus Of News." Pretty Accurate So Far

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
4/20/10 in :60 Seconds
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party
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The 'Sassy Gay Friend' Series Puts Second City Back In The Gay Zone

Here’s a trio of clips entitled “Sassy Gay Friend” that are LOL funny. Subscribe to the Second City feed on YouTube if you are so inclined, or friend them on Facebook. Enjoy.





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"Housekeeping??" A Laugh For Your Job Search

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Usually A Throwaway, This Final SNL Skit Killed

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'Consternation' Is Actually 'Mitigated' By Spelling Out 'D-U-M-B C-O-N-T-E-S-T-A-N-T-S'

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In HonoUr Of My Midwest Trip

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On Censorship And Porn Consumption: An Essential F%$#^ing Survival Guide To Utah

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Believing In Transparency And Digging The Nipples

Talking about the president’s nipples is TMI, but Wanda is as funny as ever here. Part one, at the Correspondents’ Dinner, complete with the slamming on Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi. “How’s it goin’, Joe?”

The highlight of this clip by far is giving it to Sarah Palin for pulling out of her GOP event: “That’s not the way to practice abstinence-only sex education.”



And then, part two, complete with the joyously biting and pharmaceutically accurate slam on Rush and on Hannity: “I Can break Sean Hannity by making him sit in a middle seat.”



The image of The Queen of England downloading Lady Gaga is reason enough to watch both of these all the way through!

Happy
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Bruce: Unsung Hero Of Family Guy

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Rates Are Going Up All Over... Even Behind Bars


Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs
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Taking Terror Out Of The Terrier. Yeah, Good Luck With That

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SONY Ain't The Only Company Guilty Of Peddling Shit


Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
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Let's Have An Election Do-over For April Fool's... Sort Of

SpringWidgets
US election prank widget
Who is your favorite president for 2008 - 2012? click with your mouse on Obama or Mc Cain.
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Happy Birthday To The Planet's Finest Hag

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I Think Stewie Has Left A Few Other People Off The List

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Weatherman Says... It's Gonna Get Hot (& Buggy) Tonight

I’m making a reference to the old Jack Wagner song of the 80s here, but more to the point...

Rule No. 356-b of newscasting: don’t hire a gay weatherman in a dirty newsroom. It’s just a disaster waiting to happen.


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Don't Worry, Be Happy... The Rotary Phone Is Gone

Rarely do we find a comedian who so perfectly captures the stupidity of people and the best way to mock them...

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No Need For A Set Up: Five Percent Of Europe Should Be Slapped

And not in a good way:

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'The Great Schlep' - I'll Work On My Imaginary Jewish Grandmother

Thanks to Chuckles for passing this along.

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SNL Becomes More Brilliant And Astute By The Week

Shout out to Jason Sudeikis and Queen Latifah for nailing it along with Tina Fey once again.


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A Canine Revolution: Dogs Unite Against Sarah Palin

See, Triscuit ain't the only one offended by Palintology.

To wit:



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Happy Birthday To Two Homies: Clark Kirby & Scott Gibson

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I'm Thinking... Next Time? Don't Mess With Letterman

First, John McCain ditches Letterman in favor of an interview with Katie Couric, apparently not being truthful about his reasons for the no-show:





Then, Letterman came back on Day Two with even more zingers - including a snarky comment about inauguration day and Paris Hilton:



Last night, Julia Louis-Dreyfus came on and showed some solidarity:



I wonder what Dave's got on tap tonight.
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Canines Unite Against Another Four Years Of GOP Imperalism

I'm not trying to influence her vote, but Triscuit is an Obama supporter.

And as evidenced by the video, she's part of the "Women Against Palin" movement. I concur.

For your consideration:


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Of Bras, Panties And Hair Styling: Cloris Leachman On Bonnie Hunt

Take a break from the grind and look at this clip from The Bonnie Hunt Show.

She and Cloris Leachman have great chemistry and you'll laugh your ass off.

Frankly I was surprised at how at ease Bonnie Hunt is with her new show.

Enjoy...


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Hey Jude Has Never Sounded Better

I needed some comic relief amidst Sarah "Caribou Barbie" Palin and the rest of the crap we've been subjected to.

So, I submit the following for humor consideration:

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Is This Man Ready To Be President?

With love and gratitude to Reeno for sending this creepiest of images along.

If I may say, the protest vote is starting to look more and more like a "Great Grandpaw Godzilla for President" campaign postcard!

Shop somewhere else -- we're fresh out of crazy.

I'm thinking... Presidency? No. Ritalin? Definitely.

Could be a doctored photo? But his temper (dis-temper) has been widely speculated to be as rabid as it is depicted here.
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I'll Deliver The Muffin Basket To Sarah Palin Myself

Kathy Griffin was in rare form at the Fab Fox this weekend.

Below is one of a bunch of clips from her late-show gig, including a riff on how Sarah Palin has been a boon to comics across the country:

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Would Dr. King Have Gone To Starbucks? I'll Have A Venti Elitist


Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans
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This Hurts To Watch... Because You'll Laugh And Wince At Once

First, a gag Olympic snippet by Paul Hunt courtesy of Aunt Denny:



And then I found an even earlier one, here:



Which then sent me down an Olympic blooper K-hole, and I found the following. Warning... this is painful to watch, both due to wheezing laughter and "ouch!" moments on the balance beam, vault, et. al.



Can I just say that I'm glad men don't compete on the balance beam? I mean, could you imagine the ruptures? Holy crap!
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We Officially Have A Sequel To 'Chill Bitch, I Don't Kno Yo' Life'

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This Is Just So Funny That I Had To Re-run It

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Stolen Effexor Slogan Effectively Ends Ineffectual Affect Of The GOP

See more Adam "Ghost Panther" McKay videos at Funny or Die
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Screw Grandpa Munster... Give Paris Equal Time

See more funny videos at Funny or Die
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McCain Should Have Considered An Ashley Simpson Exit

The befuddled among us... could there be a more tragic answer to a simple, seemingly non-toxic question?

Look up "Deer in Headlights" in the dictionary... there he'll be.


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You'd Need A Few Lifetimes To Survey All The Damage


Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
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What Superhero Are You?

The Green Lantern is pretty cool, I gotta say.



You are Green Lantern
























Green Lantern
95%
The Flash
75%
Spider-Man
65%
Iron Man
65%
Superman
55%
Robin
50%
Catwoman
50%
Wonder Woman
45%
Supergirl
40%
Batman
35%
Hulk
30%
Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.


Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

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Kids Say The Damndest Things... With Better Memories

NBC has disabled YouTube's embedding function for many of these great, classic Friends bloopers -- but I found one that will make you chuckle...

Watch how Jennifer Anniston and David Schwimmer gain some greater understanding about their lines.


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Another Star Wars Spoof, With Jennifer Saunders At The Helm

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Thanks To Crusty & Eddie For A Fun Sunday BBQ


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An Invitation To The Tea Partay, Penned In Cursive

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