When You Start A Sentence With 'You Need To...'

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Fact To Fiction: A Writer Catches Improv Theatre

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
(from left: Stephanie Frasier, Will Pollock, Jill Camper & (seated) Nick Cooper)

(ATLANTA :: 23 March 2012) Us writer-types are notorious cocooners. We isolate and analyze, hewing to thought lines, parsing sentences, stretching syntax and linking semi-coherent thoughts to tell a story with which folks might identify.

We scare ourselves within the private confines of a looming deadline or project weight - with a screaming, nagging, fearful voice that only we hear. Yes, like a dog whistle, and it’s as loud as a police siren sometimes. We’re also taught to question conventional wisdom and turn over details for accuracy and truth.

Improv comedy, I’m delighted to say, is the polar opposite of the writer experience. (
read the whole post)
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The Kid Is Cool: The 'I'm Yours' Awesome Jibberish

For some LOLs:


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Risking Life & Limb To Bring You Kathy Clips

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There Was A Time When Lindsay Had It Made

Back when Lindsay was on a roll...

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'F**k You' - A Casual Study In Standing Up For Oneself

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Improv, Help Desks And Friend Bars


New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products
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Spontaneous Reunion In Song

Saratoga was way more than just a 20-year college reunion - it was a late-night Rick Astley-fest.

Tim & Willy • Reunited and it feels so good from Gary Gray on Vimeo.

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The 'Giggle Machine' Rings The Death Knell For Soda Jerks

As reported on Asylum.com:

Rest in peace, oh soda jerk:
Coke Freestyle elevates individuals to instant mixologists by using a zesty touch-screen system to mix selections from over 100 choices into a custom beverage, all while delivering a geeky high-tech thrill.

It's been called "
the fountain of the future," "the most advanced soda fountain ever" and (in a backhanded-compliment kind of way) a path "leading to social ruin." Even Warren Buffett is a fan. But can this thing really deliver?

Coke spokesperson Helen Tarleton certainly thinks so, calling it a "complete departure from a traditional fountain machine." (She even reports that a gal was caught on security camera fondly embracing and kissing the machine.)

Tarleton expects 500 new Freestyle machines to pop up soon in Southern California, Atlanta, Dallas and Salt Lake City

We decided to take Coke Freestyle for a test drive at a local
McDonald's in Atlanta, where we came up with some crazy combinations using the machine's 100-plus flavor options.

While Freestyle's club soda can help cut the sweetness of some of the machine's more intense flavors, you are likely to go crazier with the combinations than you think -- and you're virtually guaranteed to forget whatever it is you put in your cup.

But we were able to document a few of our greatest hits for posterity:

"Doogie Fanta, M.D." (Combination: Dr. Pepper, Vault Peach, Cherry Fanta)

"The Red Wolf Blitzer" (Vault Red Blitz, vanilla Diet Coke)

"Barqing Berry" (Barq root beer, raspberry Dasani Sensation)

"Looney Tunes" (Minute Maid strawberry, vanilla Coke, grape Fanta, club soda)

"Lima-berry" (Grape Fanta, Lime Dasani Sensations, Club Soda)

"Customers love them," says Stephen Cordell, McDonald's on Cheshire Bridge's first assistant manager, who seems like a proud father reporting that his two Freestyle machines connect via Wi-Fi to the Coke mothership every morning at 2 a.m. for software updates.

Freestyle feedback was largely positive. "Wow, this is cool" and "How neat" were thrown around McDonald's by customers while we were testing it out.

So go forth, soda geeks, but make sure to keep track of your mix for next time -- and keep some Tums handy for the inevitable sugar-stomachache.

And check out our video from our Coke Freestyle recon mission:



And
take a look at our photo album, too.

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'The Lupus Of News." Pretty Accurate So Far

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
4/20/10 in :60 Seconds
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party
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The 'Sassy Gay Friend' Series Puts Second City Back In The Gay Zone

Here’s a trio of clips entitled “Sassy Gay Friend” that are LOL funny. Subscribe to the Second City feed on YouTube if you are so inclined, or friend them on Facebook. Enjoy.





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"Housekeeping??" A Laugh For Your Job Search

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Usually A Throwaway, This Final SNL Skit Killed

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Probably The Most Fun I've Had All Year

Not a Miley fan, but this video is hilarious.

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'Consternation' Is Actually 'Mitigated' By Spelling Out 'D-U-M-B C-O-N-T-E-S-T-A-N-T-S'

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In HonoUr Of My Midwest Trip

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Get Your Jackson Pollock On

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On Censorship And Porn Consumption: An Essential F%$#^ing Survival Guide To Utah

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Believing In Transparency And Digging The Nipples

Talking about the president’s nipples is TMI, but Wanda is as funny as ever here. Part one, at the Correspondents’ Dinner, complete with the slamming on Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi. “How’s it goin’, Joe?”

The highlight of this clip by far is giving it to Sarah Palin for pulling out of her GOP event: “That’s not the way to practice abstinence-only sex education.”



And then, part two, complete with the joyously biting and pharmaceutically accurate slam on Rush and on Hannity: “I Can break Sean Hannity by making him sit in a middle seat.”



The image of The Queen of England downloading Lady Gaga is reason enough to watch both of these all the way through!

Happy
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Bruce: Unsung Hero Of Family Guy

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Rates Are Going Up All Over... Even Behind Bars


Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs
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Taking Terror Out Of The Terrier. Yeah, Good Luck With That

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SONY Ain't The Only Company Guilty Of Peddling Shit


Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
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Let's Have An Election Do-over For April Fool's... Sort Of

SpringWidgets
US election prank widget
Who is your favorite president for 2008 - 2012? click with your mouse on Obama or Mc Cain.
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Happy Birthday To The Planet's Finest Hag

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!
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I Think Stewie Has Left A Few Other People Off The List

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Weatherman Says... It's Gonna Get Hot (& Buggy) Tonight

I’m making a reference to the old Jack Wagner song of the 80s here, but more to the point...

Rule No. 356-b of newscasting: don’t hire a gay weatherman in a dirty newsroom. It’s just a disaster waiting to happen.


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Don't Worry, Be Happy... The Rotary Phone Is Gone

Rarely do we find a comedian who so perfectly captures the stupidity of people and the best way to mock them...

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'Just Tax The Stupid People' Who Don't Watch Ab Fab

In my continuing efforts to turn Brandon on to Ab Fab, I submit the following:

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Apparently 'The Shining' Lives On

The ghosts of presidents (and children) past...
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Change Afoot: WP.com Gets A Much-needed Update

After turning my attention to ARTvision 2008, I’m now ready to turn back to WP.com.

Here are some new features that will expand over the next months:

- Each month I’ll find a new quote to add to the sidebar. This month, a gem about whining from Lily Tomlin.

- A new tab, “REEL” will showcase related streaming video I’ve loaded to YouTube and other sites. Everything from “
Groundbreakers” to old-school stuff like the Skidmore lip sync will be at this tab.

- New Vault articles, including one from Art & Antiques and Sea Ray Living magazines.

- This month’s header capture is “Zenyard II,” the second in an ongoing series of photos from the outdoor environs of 844. The Japanese maple was turning last fall into its vibrant red and I shot it before the leaves fell. I decided to make “Zenyard” a series because we could all stand a little “moment of zen” (phrase borrowed from The Daily Show) in everyday life, right?

Make sure to check back often for
ARTvision updates, new book info, N&N pictures and much more.

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I Needed Some Comic Relief, And I'm Sure You Did, Too

I think I'm slow to catch on to this phenomenon (I did a post earlier about Silverman's "The Great Schlep" a while back)... so in case you missed it, have a look:


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Can't Blame Me, I Voted Early... But It's Still Funny As Hell



Update: Sent to me so far by: Beth, Michael and... more to follow?
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Stallion Alert: First Openly Gay Horse Running A Race


First Openly Gay Racehorse To Compete Sunday
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Here's A Hysterical Caribou Barbie Interactive Game

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No Need For A Set Up: Five Percent Of Europe Should Be Slapped

And not in a good way:

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Caution: Slapable When Cute

Sometimes I just can't take it... If you understand what Violent Affection Syndrome is, and see the following pictures, you'll know why I want to strangle Zach (at left) and Henry.

Of course, said strangling is only in the metaphorical sense. But still. they are so cute it's just outrageous, lame and makes me cray-zee. Here's what I mean:



This is the perfect break from our icky political season. Cheers... More N&N VAS coming soon.
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'The Great Schlep' - I'll Work On My Imaginary Jewish Grandmother

Thanks to Chuckles for passing this along.

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Hey Missy! Turn Clockwise 45 Degrees And Use Both Fingers

That's the most awesome, pudgy little middle finger I've ever seen.

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SNL Becomes More Brilliant And Astute By The Week

Shout out to Jason Sudeikis and Queen Latifah for nailing it along with Tina Fey once again.


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A Canine Revolution: Dogs Unite Against Sarah Palin

See, Triscuit ain't the only one offended by Palintology.

To wit:



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Video Response To Kathy Griffin On YouTube

Here's a funny video response to my Kathy Griffin posting:

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Hand Eaising Or Crickets Chirping? They Report, You 'Decide'

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Happy Birthday To Two Homies: Clark Kirby & Scott Gibson

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!
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I'm Thinking... Next Time? Don't Mess With Letterman

First, John McCain ditches Letterman in favor of an interview with Katie Couric, apparently not being truthful about his reasons for the no-show:





Then, Letterman came back on Day Two with even more zingers - including a snarky comment about inauguration day and Paris Hilton:



Last night, Julia Louis-Dreyfus came on and showed some solidarity:



I wonder what Dave's got on tap tonight.
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If Only It Were This Easy


Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain
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Canines Unite Against Another Four Years Of GOP Imperalism

I'm not trying to influence her vote, but Triscuit is an Obama supporter.

And as evidenced by the video, she's part of the "Women Against Palin" movement. I concur.

For your consideration:


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If Not Only For The 'Swear Jar' Reference... Hilarious

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Of Bras, Panties And Hair Styling: Cloris Leachman On Bonnie Hunt

Take a break from the grind and look at this clip from The Bonnie Hunt Show.

She and Cloris Leachman have great chemistry and you'll laugh your ass off.

Frankly I was surprised at how at ease Bonnie Hunt is with her new show.

Enjoy...


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I Miss Friends: 'Watch, Learn... And Don't Eat My Cookie'

Following is my YouTube player containing some of the best "Friends" clips out there.

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Hey Jude Has Never Sounded Better

I needed some comic relief amidst Sarah "Caribou Barbie" Palin and the rest of the crap we've been subjected to.

So, I submit the following for humor consideration:

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Is This Man Ready To Be President?

With love and gratitude to Reeno for sending this creepiest of images along.

If I may say, the protest vote is starting to look more and more like a "Great Grandpaw Godzilla for President" campaign postcard!

Shop somewhere else -- we're fresh out of crazy.

I'm thinking... Presidency? No. Ritalin? Definitely.

Could be a doctored photo? But his temper (dis-temper) has been widely speculated to be as rabid as it is depicted here.
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I'll Deliver The Muffin Basket To Sarah Palin Myself

Kathy Griffin was in rare form at the Fab Fox this weekend.

Below is one of a bunch of clips from her late-show gig, including a riff on how Sarah Palin has been a boon to comics across the country:

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Sarah Palin: Righteous For The Wrong Reasons

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Would Dr. King Have Gone To Starbucks? I'll Have A Venti Elitist


Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans
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This Hurts To Watch... Because You'll Laugh And Wince At Once

First, a gag Olympic snippet by Paul Hunt courtesy of Aunt Denny:



And then I found an even earlier one, here:



Which then sent me down an Olympic blooper K-hole, and I found the following. Warning... this is painful to watch, both due to wheezing laughter and "ouch!" moments on the balance beam, vault, et. al.



Can I just say that I'm glad men don't compete on the balance beam? I mean, could you imagine the ruptures? Holy crap!
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Get Your Summertime Tan Priorities In Order

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Three Words: OMG

Thanks to Vibecke for passing this along.

I immediately thought of JJ while hearing this train-wreck pageant song!


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We Officially Have A Sequel To 'Chill Bitch, I Don't Kno Yo' Life'

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At One Point In History, Yes, She Was Just A Cracker

Then:





And now:

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That Fridge Reminds Me Of Sheila

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This Is Just So Funny That I Had To Re-run It

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!
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Confessions Of An Atlanta-based SUV Driver, Part II

(CHARLOTTESVILLE :: 11 August 2008) The color may have changed quite dramatically since my original post on the subject, but the crisis of conscience remains the same.

So goes my driving life with the as-yet-unnamed, gently used 2005 BMW X3 - a capable if bland SUV that gets me to my point B pretty nicely, albeit a bit more wasteful on gas than I'd like.

But then, on a steamy summer day in Atlanta when I was off to the recycling center at Dekalb Farmer's Market, I realized the true spirit of being "green" (vs. baby-spew orange) is not defined by MPG alone. It's measured in how and what you do with your footprint.

I live within a half-mile of where I work. I walk there and other places. I combine errands to reduce emissions. I walk to my workouts. I try and drive evenly so as to not waste gas (that last one being extremely difficult in the third-world war zone driving scene that is Atlanta). I carpool. I have stopped driving to the airport altogether.

There's something else: I miss my stick shift. Big time. But the trade-off there, if there could be one, is that I know
Gracie's new owner - and he's taking good care of her down in Savannah. He's promised me pictures of her, and when he sends them, I'll do a post about it. It's a cool story.

I knew it was just a matter of time before someone snatched up Gracie from the dealership.

Back to being green. I continue to clamor for an SUV in the nice-ish luxury category that has not just low emissions - try ZERO. I anticipate that day because I'll be first in line. We need that. To be kind to the planet, to be off our addition to oil (both foreign and domestic) and to be the fabulous country we used to be. Maybe one of those snazzy new diesel engines would do the trick, too. I'm considering a 2009 X3 European delivery with a standard transmission - juice boxes be damned.

So, while you're considering the hybrid "badge of honor," or if you think being green is some sort of status symbol you wear for showmanship, think again. It's in the total picture of the person that really and truly makes a tree hugger.

Alas, I was counting on
Basil as my "in" for Halloween, but it wasn't mean to be - at least not in this lifetime. He's now making another driver in metro Atlanta think hard about mileage... and about color.

Happy
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Stolen Effexor Slogan Effectively Ends Ineffectual Affect Of The GOP

See more Adam "Ghost Panther" McKay videos at Funny or Die
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Dana Perino, You're On Notice: The Drone Does A Better Job


Pentagon's Unmanned Spokesdrone Completes First Press Conference Mission
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Would You Trust Kathy Griffin To Toss The Show To Anderson?

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In The Category Of Revoltingly Cute Canines, The Nominees Are...





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McCain Should Have Considered An Ashley Simpson Exit

The befuddled among us... could there be a more tragic answer to a simple, seemingly non-toxic question?

Look up "Deer in Headlights" in the dictionary... there he'll be.


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Text Message, Post It, E-mail. Let's Just Bring Back The Telegram

Talk about your "Lessons in Love."

The new "SATC" flick is amazing. If you haven't seen it, definitely go.

Meantime, here's a classic clip from the series that shows SJP at her absolute best; probably the zestiest monologue of the entire series.

I don't care if you cheated 16 times and fathered 6 children while married to three different people -- there's always a shitty way, or the integrated way, to end a relationship and let someone go.

Here's a lesson in how to react to the bullshit, chicken-shit ways in which we end relationships.



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You'd Need A Few Lifetimes To Survey All The Damage


Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
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This 'Resource' Will Be Tapped Long Before 2013


Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013
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Toilet Humor: Kimmy Goes For Broke Against A Renegade Turd

I needed a laugh today, so here's one for all of us.

Kim and Gini at their very best...


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I Miss Maya Rudolph & 'Bronx Beat'

I picked up this gem from someone's myspace page...




...which reminded me of this skit:

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The Supremes Rule That Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

They say justice is blind...



Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

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This Should Surprise No One.


I am nerdier than 81% of all people. Are you a nerd? Click here to find out!
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Happy Day To All Of Our Fathers


Don't send a lame Father's Day eCard.
Try JibJab Sendables!
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Charlie Bit My Finger.

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News Flash To Gay Drama Queens: Your Rights Have Been Upheld

You gotta read this...

In a related story, the Massachusetts Supreme Court made a ruling of its own. Here's the headline:

"
Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry."

The Onion stopped allowing readers to generate code for blogs. Boo!
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Confused About The Fist Bump? Take This Brief Tutorial

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Another Reason To Love Family Guy: The Sci-Fi Soul

Family Guy does parodies and take-offs of Star Trek and Star Wars all the time, much in the same way South Park does. Check out this Star Trek split screen, parodying the funeral for Spock in ST II:


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What Superhero Are You?

The Green Lantern is pretty cool, I gotta say.



You are Green Lantern
























Green Lantern
95%
The Flash
75%
Spider-Man
65%
Iron Man
65%
Superman
55%
Robin
50%
Catwoman
50%
Wonder Woman
45%
Supergirl
40%
Batman
35%
Hulk
30%
Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.


Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

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Kids Say The Damndest Things... With Better Memories

NBC has disabled YouTube's embedding function for many of these great, classic Friends bloopers -- but I found one that will make you chuckle...

Watch how Jennifer Anniston and David Schwimmer gain some greater understanding about their lines.


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'Mic And The City': Lowering The Boom On A Blockbuster

(ATLANTA - 31 May 2008) :: OK, so I did my gay duty and went to see Sex And The City movie on its premiere night. Thanks to Thom for coming with.

The film was uproarious, vivid, full of couture, acted and written exceedingly well, and all expectations were surpassed... save for the hideous exception of a visible boom mic.

And not just in one scene - multiple times, and in such an overt way that you think some local loon is standing over the screen on a ladder, holding the long-arm mic, taunting you, teasing you for no apparent reason.

In an otherwise stellar display of cinematic joy, this was perplexing to say the least. The
boards are abuzz about this "gaff"; even Perez Hilton has posted about it. There is even an early YouTube review that pokes fun:



Please, New Line & WB, do us all a favor and fix this in post production somehow. Blame for this error stretches across multiple roles in this film, resting not only with the boom operator... but with the production crew, as well as the actors and director, for not catching it in the film's dailies.

Despite the rarity of this type of mistake, it
appears to have precedent in the TV-series run.

Even so, this movie is so good that it'll wipe out this weekend's competition despite "the long arm of the sound" stepping in front of its cast. The film stays so true to the original series - in fact, elevates it so elegantly - that the mistakes turn out to be just, quite literally, blips on the screen.

And believe me when I tell you - this boom-mic story is intended as fair warning, not as spoiler. I wish I had been warned ahead of time myself.

Here's the trailer!



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Another Star Wars Spoof, With Jennifer Saunders At The Helm

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'Up With Grups': Call Me When 40 Actually Means Something

In my search for next-decade perspective - and, more importantly, to ease the stress of entering an esteemed group of elder statespersons - I found more than a few pearls of wisdom.

New York magazine reports that an "
ascendant breed of grown-ups" are reshaping perceptions of today's adulthood. Click through the link for the cool image and story.

Am I in denial? Clinging to days past by always giggling and staying in touch with youthful exuberance? Or am I really onto something here?

I will *always* prefer to wear vintage t-shirts, ripped shorts, trucker hats... all the while listening to my iPod and blogging on my laptop.

I'll probably be doing the same thing into the next decade, too.

Also, more importantly, I needed a lift today... and was combing the Internet for relief. I found this:



I don't feel much like dancing today, so I'll let this guy do it for me.

Thanks to everyone for all the well-wishes. Let this be a lesson to everyone turning 40 this year or any year - be proud, live strong, be young.

Happy
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Thanks To Crusty & Eddie For A Fun Sunday BBQ


Don't send a lame eCard.
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An Invitation To The Tea Partay, Penned In Cursive

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Enjoy This Tasty Morsel From Mad TV - Dirty Bloody Tuna

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Kathy Griffin Does Her Best Sharon Osborne...

...and, like me, she talks in bullet points.

"I can't stand that Ryan Seacrest and here's why:"

Watch the below video for a bunch of laughs... and her impersonation of the Osbornes is hilarious.

Who knew Dick Clark was such a badass?



And a postscript: Kathy does flashcards on Ellen.




Season four of the "D List" starts next month!
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MySpace Is Good For At Least One Thing: A Starkeisha Reunion

Finesse Mitchell on SNL as STARKEISHA
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Breaking News: Cheney Adds Rare '64 Kuwaiti Oil Vintage

This is my first time on The Onion's Radio News channel...

Listen to this big story and let's marvel that we at least found *something* in the middle east (in lieu of WMD).
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In Advance Of Mother's Day, A Special Message


Don't send a lame Mother's Day eCard.
Try JibJab Sendables!
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Maybe Dumbass Got Hit In The Head... Or Reid?

Nationals Book It After Foul Ball Accidentally Smashes Capitol Rotunda

The Onion

Nationals Book It After Foul Ball Accidentally Smashes Capitol Rotunda

WASHINGTON, DC—An 8,976-foot foul ball off the bat of Washington third baseman Ryan Zimmerman crashed through the U.S. Capitol Building rotunda Sunday afternoon, prompting both the Nationals and the opposing Pittsburgh Pirates to gasp, turn...

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Confessions Of A Pumpkin-hued SUV Owner

(ATLANTA - 7 May 2008) -- OK, I'm coming clean.

I bought a new car. I got a great deal on it. Since it was a loaner that had just come off its "temp" status, I snagged it for considerably less than list.

He's an SUV, and he gets an uber-crappy 14 miles to the gallon in the city. His name is Basil, named after the big boss in the Austin Powers movies. (For those of you playing at home, yes, he puts the "Grrrr" in swinger.)

But for someone concerned about our dependency on foreign oil and saving the planet, those gas numbers royally suck. The car, however, doesn't - it's a Land Rover LR2, funky in its baby-spew orange and comfortable over Atlanta's obnoxious, lunar-surface city streets.

Still, my conscience is heavy. It's a second car to help me schlep a little easier, and navigate without bottoming out every five seconds on a shitty street like Juniper. (Chuck Benny is using Gracie for the time being.)

But no matter how elegant and agile, no matter how joyous Basil makes the jaunt from point A to B, I wish we had more choices in the luxury, small-scale SUV category that would be easier on the environment.

Until that time, and in light of this decision, I've shifted some habits that might help compensate. To wit:

-- Use Basil for recycling everything under the sun, including cardboard, glass, plastic and other household goods that the city ignores.
-- Instead of driving to my workout sessions with Eric on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I walk to his place and work out there.
-- Combine errands in a single outing and make sure to go easy on acceleration.
-- Walk to the office.
-- Do not involve myself in traffic.
-- Walk more in midtown to restaurants and shops, where possible (already doing that).

I'm so jazzed by the idea of using a new diesel engine with fry oil that I believe "Basil" will be a temporary indulgence. It'll be fun while it lasts.

In the meantime, Atlanta roads look and feel a lot less like the moon.
- WP
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'Idol Chat': What, In Fact, Is 'Vocal Paralysis'?

Penny and Jim are in rare form this week... This week on "Idol Chat," we see the pair sipping chocolate martinis and dishing about Dolly Parton and all the top American Idol contestants.

Alls I know is that I'm in the top 10 in my Idol pool, AND I get to edit this awesome blog!

For more, make sure to check out
afterelton.com.


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First 'Space Balls,' And The Latest... Stuey??

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If It Can Happen To Nantucket...

Report: Nations Gentrified Neighborhoods Threatened By Aristocratization

The Onion

Report: Nation's Gentrified Neighborhoods Threatened By Aristocratization

WASHINGTON—The report claims that affordable upper-income condominiums and charming faux dive bars are being replaced with the manor houses and private salons.

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The Demented, The Crazed... Triscuit Makes Her Comeback

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Sex & The City, With A Dash Of Metamucil

Thanks to Musty for passing this along... it's an absolute hoot! And a nice teaser for the upcoming movie.

For those of you who miss Golden Girls a little, this is a gem.


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Planet Unicorn: Christmas In March?

Thanks to Ken for pointing this out... we nearly missed Episode 6 entirely!

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The Ivory Tower Under Attack!

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...Users Of Georgia 400 Rejoice

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Good Thing It Wasn't 'Grumpy'

"How the fight got started," passed on by Lou.

I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
slowly the driver gets out of the car. . . and you know how you
just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it. He was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, then which one are you?'

...and that's when the fight started.
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American Idols, Watch Out: Lady P & Jim Are On Your Case

Longtime gal pal and, yes, proud fag hag Penny Frulla keeps it real with Jim Verraros.

'Idol Chat' never looked this good.




Online Videos by Veoh.com
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A Crystal Ball That Any Sane Person Would Reject


Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early
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SNL Roars Back... But No 'Bronx Beat' or 'Deep House Dish'

Not only did we get SNL back, but Tina Fey killed as host after a long show hiatus.

Bitch is the new black!

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Taking Back The Word, 'Elite,' As Well As A Few Others

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For Those Who Miss 'Friends,' And For Anita's Love Of Unagi

Update: I just found out that Anita's word is "yuuigi" - meaning significance or usefulness, in Japanese.

The word and usage of "unagi" in the "Friends" clip below has a similar connotation, but is just a *bit* sillier.

Kinda makes you want to twist your fingers at your temple. Happy If you combined both words into one, what would you get?



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...That's Assuming They'd Know Where It Goes When They Find It


Dept. Of Homeland Security: Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?

The Onion

Dept. Of Homeland Security: 'Has Anybody Seen A Blue Folder?'

WASHINGTON—"I can assure everyone that the assistant secretary could have sworn she had it when she went through the metal detector," said DHS Secretary Chertoff.

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Rumors Of Romney's Normalcy Are Greatly Exaggerated



Mitt Romney Defends Himself Against Allegations Of Tolerance
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For All My Fellow Sports Fans, A Tribute To The Football Gays

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Beware Of Global Warmings (Researched Fully On The Google)

Thanks to Aunt Denny for passing this along.

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Busting The Dope Rhymes: Hilarity On A Hillbilly Cartoon Date

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The Rumors Are True

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Dude, Where's My Slap? Thigh Sparks A Guest Slap Of Seann

Many of you know of my longstanding issue with V.A.S., or "Violent Affection Syndrome," where you get so aggravated by someone being cute that you want to squeeze them until their eyeballs pop out. (VAS is never anything you'd ever really do, it's just a feeling/surge you get from, say, nieces and nephews.)

The affliction started with Penny's dog
Petey, who was just so hideously ugly that he was, consequently, irresistibly cute -- hence the V.A.S. frustration. For example, you'll often hear me say: "that one is so cute, you just want to slap him/her." It's a natural reaction.

Henceforthwith, for those of you not in the know, V.A.S. has spawned another very important (and entirely popular) Web feature called "
The Daily Slap," a section of BentBlog run by my pal Rob. Yesterday I did a "guest slap" of actor Seann William Scott, who, according to recent birthday boy Mattie "Thigh" Moore, turned up at a party with the same affable demeanor we all see in his movies. (SWS has got five flicks in development as of this writing.)

Thigh, pictured at left, with Seann on the right and Joanna Scholl as the "meat in the man sandwich." The photo was snapped at a
GQ Fashion Show after party that had all the blogs buzzing. Thanks to Joanna for supplying the picture.

I'm looking into V.A.S. rehab now...
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The Onion Runs Another Zinger

Apparently he's taking time away from campaigning, GOP strategy sessions, petting Barney and being blessed with his next mission from God.

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Tim & Will(y) Give Rick Astley A Run For His Money

Thanks to Gary for dubbing some seriously scary vocals over a surprisingly lame Rick Astley video from the '80s. Can you guess which vocal belongs to whom?

Clearly, it's the duet of a lifetime.

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Sex Sting, A Prostitute's Black Book, Page Scandals... What's Next?

OK, this made me laugh out loud.

After
Jack Cafferty asked his viewers whether or not Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) should reconsider his resignation, this response from Charles in Lansing, Mich.:

"That's a hard call. Half the Republicans want him to resign, and the other half want his phone number."

How funny is that? CNN and
The Situation Room have some truly clever viewers.
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Best 'Bronx Beat' So Far

Betty & Jodi live it up with Peyton Manning.

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Witness The Birth Of 'Grawesome' (Here's A Hint: It Includes Booze)

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Am I A Slinky To You?

This came from Reeno today:

Some people are like slinkies,
They don’t really serve a purpose,
But it still brings a smile to your face
When you push them down the stairs.



Sound logic can be so funny sometimes.

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Not Your Average Complacency

Here's a hint: it's a comment about our "ho hum" attitude about what's happening in our country... unless Paris Hilton is having a perp walk -- then we're glued to the TV.


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Always Pug-nacious: A Must-see Story From The Onion

Those of you who know me know how crazy I get around Pugs... they are a whole lotta hideous and adorable all rolled into one. Click through for the hilarity.

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Viral Marketing... In Its Purest (And Most F^&$#%#%ed-up) Form Happy

I was literally crying-laughing at this so I thought I'd share... Thanks to Crusty's dad for sending it around.

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CNN's American Morning...

"The most snooze in the morning." (Sorry, I couldn't resist. Some of my best pals are at Turner, so I'm in trouble.)
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Hot Air Only Jack Jean Could Love



Courtesy of Boing Boing





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YouTube Videos!

To view my YouTube channel -- complete with tardo shenanigans from my nieces and nephews -- go here.

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